Remember the first horror movie that scared the living daylights out of you?  For me it wasn’t so much the movie as it was “Nightmare On Elm Street’s” Freddie Kruger, ‘cause he could get you in a dream.  Scary.  And yet, not quite as scary as this video of middle-aged Chinese people singing Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.”

Sure, it starts out pretty enough with all the traditional-sounding Chinese instruments (even though I’m sure they didn’t have clear plastic fiddles during the Han Dynasty).  But then, this creepy life-sized dollhouse filled with old Chinese people slides into place, and that’s where things get funky.  Or fonky.  (I think I meant to say fonky.)

They start to sing, which isn’t that bad, but they’re doing it to some weird choreography that screams “free community center dance class for beginners.”  The effect is terrifying to me for some reason.  It’s like being caught in a strange dream with no logic, and I keep waiting for Freddie to pop up at any moment and carve me up like a Chinese goose.

And then there’s this woman:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dude, what the hell is she doing?  And how can I get her to stop?  Aaaargh, I can’t speak her language!

I’m all for ethnic diversity and the sharing of art.  I’m for tolerance and cultural exchange.  But this kind of stuff needs to stay a national secret.   I thought these guys were Communists.  Where’s good ol’ censorship when you need it?